Easy Way Out

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4454738.stm

I found that randomly, I thought I would share.

Grape Juice Girl

Grape Juice Girl.

Sitting on a porch swing,

sipping from a sippy cup,

waiting for what the new day brings,

Grape Juice Girl.

Crayons scattered all around,

coloring in her color book,

Purple is the color of her world,

Grape Juice Girl.

gotten too old for the sippy cup,

hell, now she can't just give it up,

dreaming of herself college bound,

Grape Juice Girl.

sitting on a porch swing,

damn, she has all the luck,

waiting for what the next generation has to bring.

Announcement

Most, if not all of the things I write are false. If something is true, I will make sure to post if that it is. I use first person alot because I find it easier to write. The narrator is not always the writer themselves.


--Ally

Top Ten list with three examples

I would write something witty here before you went off to read these, but I figured it wouldn't be funny to make a joke about funny things.

Threading a theme through the text.

Contrast what should be with the obviously deficient reality

Murphy’s Laws for Kids
The more you hate spinach, the more likely it is you will have it for dinner.
The more you need to go potty, the harder it is to get your pants down.
If you miss the school bus, it will always be on the day of a field trip or party.
If you spill your milk, the dumb dog won’t lick it up no matter what you promise.
If you use the sofa for a trampoline, you will forget about your muddy tennis shoes until later.
If you have a helium birthday balloon, it will get caught in the ceiling fan.
The more unbreakable a toy is supposed to be, the sooner you will break it.
The harder you try to hide something behind your back, the more likely mom will know.
If you forget to put something away, it will be the carton of ice cream.
The more you try to sit still in church, the more your underwear scratches.
When you have to do you homework before going outside, you will invariably get stuck on the last problem.
The more you try to hurry while getting dressed, the greater the probability that you can’t find socks without holes.
If you kick anything under the bed to hide it, the cat will be sleeping there.
If you remember to wash your hands before eating, the dog will lick you on the mouth.
The more relatives your have in the audience at the school play, the greater the liklihood of forgetting your lines.
If you remember to turn out the lights in the basement, dad will be downstairs.
If you try to flush the goldfish, the toilet will clog and run over.
The more parts a game has, the greater the likelihood that it will get spilled.
Snack food is always on the highest kitchen shelf instead of in the bottom cabinet.
The more you want to go outside and play, the longer it takes to clean your room.
The newer your shoes are, the more rain puddles you will see to tempt you.
If you wake up with a stomachache and fever, it will always be on Saturday.
If Murphy were a kid, he would lose his lunch money.

Build on a ridiculous notion

Mock a public figure

Act like a clown

The heckler

Hurry Up!
Why are we in such a hurry? Would the world really end if we got where we are going 10 minutes later? If it would, couldn't we just leave 10 minutes sooner?
This week I had occasion to travel by plane and watch people - people in a great hurry. They arrive at the airport and are immediately greeted by a line to check their luggage. Because people are so impatient, there is also a line at curbside to check luggage easier and, of course, faster. In this line, there is a charge (okay, "tip") involved, but it is worth it if you are in a hurry to get to the gate and don't want to stop at the ticket counter and stand in one of those time gobbling lines.After finally getting rid of the luggage, it's off to the concourse to find the departing gate. Some people are so impatient, they don't even check baggage at all, but drag it behind them on wheels. "Saves time," they say. "Don't have to wait to get your baggage when you get off." Also, "Don't have to worry about the airlines losing it," a really, big, super-duper time consumer.
So there they go, dragging suitcases on wheels, up ramps, down ramps, over moving sidewalks, up escalators, and down escalators, really saving a great deal of time. If we could collect all the time saved at airports, we could probably extend the end of the world by billions of years!Next comes that horrible time consuming obstacle - the metal detector. Valuable seconds are lost poking purses and luggage thru the conveyor belt. And if spare change or a belt buckle sets off the alarm... Wow! Forget it! The hurried passenger becomes a hostage of the airport security guards for five or more minutes, at least, before being fleeced enough to satisfy the metal detector and security guards that there is no madman with a firearm intent on hijacking the plane.Passing inspection, passengers are free to proceed... and proceed... and proceed... Seems like they will never get there. Why do airports always make the gates for impatient people the last gate at the end of the concourse? It's almost as if they know who is impatient and planned the delay as a cruel joke!
At last, the correct gate is found, and another wait begins. People fidget, they read, they use cell phones, laptop computers, or watch TV, if there is one. Why doesn't the plane get here? Don't airlines know people are in a hurry? Why do they think people fly?
At last the attendants come out. Before they can announce the flight, the suitcase people, who were in too big a hurry to check in at the ticket counter, begin to line up. After all, people in a hurry need to be first!Finally, boarding begins and chaos evokes. Never mind that seats are assigned. People cannot wait, they stand by eagerly waiting for their row to be called so they can rush on the plane. Some don't wait, but cut ahead of others before their row is even called.
On the plane all the aisles are blocked by the early boarders who, of course, have wheeled luggage and are trying to put it in overhead compartments. The other people, who are also in a hurry, are very annoyed by not being able to get to their own seat and put their own wheeled luggage overhead.
Should the flight be delayed in taking off for a few minutes, people begin to fidget, murmur, and look at watches, sure they will never make their connection on time. At the end of the flight, they are out of their seat belts and in the aisles before the plane can stop taxing. Bags are jerked from overhead compartments and impatience evokes until the door is finally opened and the hurry-up people run from the plane pulling their wheels behind them. Yes, it really is too bad there is no way to collect up all the time saved at airports. We could dole it out to the impatient, luggage pulling passengers along with their airline tickets and give them all sorts of time to board.
Guess it wouldn't work, though. They would want to save it in a "frequent time-flies plan" and get preferred seating - ahead of everyone else, naturally.

Give human characteristics to non-humans

Leadership secrets from foreign penguins
Penguins show how leadership by example works
by David Leonhardt
What do the personal growth experts say about success?Find out here.?

To receive a copy of this article on leadership at your email address, click here.
There's a brand new fitness program at the San Francisco Zoo – a program that sort of just took off on its own without any goals or leadership from the zookeeper. This fitness program is for the birds, but it carries a leadership lesson for all of us.
The birds are penguins. Penguins are supposed to swim. In fact, 46 penguins at the San Francisco zoo have been taking regular dips in the pool to cool off and keep their feathers sleek. Ah, ain't life grand. Lie around, eat, swim, rest, eat, swim, relax, eat, swim.
Until six "bodybuilder" penguins moved in from Ohio. The newcomers jumped into the pool and swam. And swam. And swam. In fact, those six penguins kept swimming laps all day long. Day after day. They must have been using a very effective antiperspirant.
The newcomers would start early in the morning and keep swimming in circles until they would "stagger" out of the pool at dusk. What is most amazing, though, is that the six penguins have convinced the other 46 to join them. Hitherto "society" penguins are now swimming the whole day through like commoners.
What is the secret to the Ohio penguins' success ? I don't speak "penguin" very well, but I think I overheard the following conversation:
"C'mon, what are you, a penguin or a rock?"
"Why, I'm a penguin, of course."
"You don't look like a penguin. All you do is sit around like a rock."
"That's not true. I swim ... sometimes."
"Ha! A true penguin swims all day long. Pepperoni!" SPLASH!!
"Hey. I'm a real penguin, too."
"Who you shouting at, Percy?"
"That swimmer with too much adrenaline in his feathers. He says I'm not a real penguin because I don't eggplant enough."
"Oh, yeah? We'll show him, won't we, Percy?"
"You bet! Uh, how?"
"By out-swimming the showoff penguins." SPLASH!!"
"Oh, oh. I guess I better get swimming right creamy teacups." SPLASH!!
Foreign penguins show their leadership and their penguinhood
OK, so I may be a little off on my translation, but somehow those six penguins changed the entire lifestyle habits of the other 46. The zookeeper is reported by the wire service to have said, "We've completely lost control." The wire story quotes an aquatic biologist as saying she would be more surprised if the six had taught the other 46 how to jump through hoops – something few penguins do in the wild with any success.
The point is not that the 46 penguins have learned to swim, which they had always been doing as a leisurely pastime, but that they are now in full aquatic stampede mode ... and that they were convinced by the other six to change their entire lifestyle. How did the six penguins do it?
Well, I was suspicious about penguins that come from Ohio. Everyone knows that penguins come from Antarctica. Last I could recall, Ohio was nowhere near Antarctica. Sure, it's cold in Ohio this time of year, but not THAT cold. My atlas confirmed that Ohio is indeed still in the United States, not in Antarctica, meaning that these penguins were foreigners, perhaps victims of persecution – refugees from their homeland.
So these foreign penguins have come in and motivated the local penguins to live up to their full ... ah ... penguinhood. What an accomplishment! What success! And what great leadership lessons we can learn from this.
Lesson number one: don't be afraid to try new things and accept outside influences.
Lesson number two: be a penguin not a rock (unless, of course, you are a rock).
And lesson number three: don't give up. If six penguins can whip 46 homebodies into shape, imagine how you could kick-start your own fitness program (or any other goal you set your mind to.)
But don't count on learning success from penguins. Get the Science of Success, not written by penguins.

Build laughs upon laugh

Give silly names to things

Funny faces and weird sounds

Random Quotes I hear in this class

"It's an oldie, but goldie!"-Seth

"I don't want to be acredited with it, but I don't want you to take all the credit. You can make up a name for me,"

"I know! You can be 'Anonymous Murray'!"-Myself & Emma

"I can't wait for Christmas, I'm going to explode with happiness!"-Emma

Better Luck Next Time

I stare at something in the room.

Is it funny?

No, ofcourse not. Nothing in here is funny. Emma is funny. Seth is funny (well, only because he is a smart ass). I guess there are people who are funny, but will people find it funny on paper?

Like, if I wrote the thing about Haiku's not having to rhyme, and the responce from Connolly, I bet nobody would laugh, or if they did, it would be because how stupid it was for me to write about it.

I guess I just did....oops.

I wonder if anyone will find this funny. I doubt it, I'm trying to hard. Damn, better luck next time.

Epiphany

I've noticed a few things about my boyfriend. Like when we go to the mall, I'm the one whining to leave halfway through it. When looking at clothes, he actually worries if a certain color will go with his complextion. I don't even go that far into detail. So now onto shoes.

We seperated, me wandering the vast two, maybe three feet of the size 11 shoes they carry, trying to figure out if Payless is truely worth it anymore. I turn the corner to find what? That's right, my boyfriend seated on one of those little stools (you know with the mirrors to check and see if those shoes make your ankles look fat) trying on the most flamboyantly girliest pink heels I have EVER seen. Before he could see me I quickly took refuge back with my fellow size 11's, desperatly trying to erase the image from my mind. It was then I began to notice, each time he's pushed the envelope a little too close to that imaginary line, I've ran to church, as if my prayers and guilt will erase those deeds.

So I figure in the end, he'll become a fag, and I'll become a nun.

Waffles and Chatty Cathy

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY – ESTABLISHING SHOT

Students are seated in various places, talking among themselves. CATHY is seen whispering to another student. TOM is seen eating an EGGO WAFFLE. Everyone appears to be exaggeratedly happy except for…

CLOSE UP—

ALABAMA and EMILY are seated side by side; looking as if given their weapon of choice they could kill everyone else in the room.

EXTREME CLOSE UP – ALABAMA’S FACE

ALABAMA turns her head to Emily

ALABAMA
What’s your problem?

EXTREME CLOSE UP – EMILY’S FACE

EMILY turns to face ALABAMA, CLICKS HER TONGUE and SIGHS HEAVILY.

EXTREME CLOSE UP – ALABAMA’S FACE

ALABAMA
(angered)
What’s your problem?!


ZOOM OUT – ALABAMA AND EMILY

EMILY
Well, it all started this morning…

CUT TO:








EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET – DAY

The houses around them look clean and proper, nothing out of place. Wisteria Lane without the crazy stories behind every family. TOM and EMILY are standing at the corner, a PLATE OF WAFFLES beside TOM’s feet.



EMILY
You can’t just leave your waffles out here!

Emily gestures angrily to the PLATE OF WAFFLES.

TOM
Why not?

EMILY
You just can’t!
(pause)
It’s polluting!

ANGLE ON – PLATE OF WAFFLES

TOM (V.O.)
But I’m done with them.

ANGLE ON – TOM

TOM
I don’t want to clean them up.

ANGLE ON – EMILY

EMILY
(pissed)
Well who do you think is gonna clean them up?

TOM looks around for someone else before shrugging.

TOM
I don’t know.

EMILY
I can’t believe you!

CUT TO:

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

ALABAMA is staring at EMILY as if she had announced she didn’t have a belly button.

ALABAMA
That is SO STUPID! Don’t you know my story TOTALLY trumps yours?


CUT TO:


EXT. COURTYARD – DAY

ALABAMA is seated on a picnic table near a huge cedar tree surrounded by kids dressed in all black. ALABAMA is the only one with a color on besides red or black. Despite this, everyone seems to accept her.



ALABAMA (V.O.)
So like every morning I sit at the tree

ANGLE ON – CATHY

CATHY is seen walking over to the tree. She appears to have something she REALLY needs to share with someone.

ALABAMA (V.O.)
But I have this friend Cathy who won’t SHUT UP!

ANGLE ON – THE TREE

The mob of black clothes students gradually moves away from ALABAMA as CATHY approaches.

ANGLE ON – CATHY

CATHY waves at ALABAMA excitedly

CATHY
Alabama! I have so much to tell you!

CATHY begins rambling on about information that only appeals to her. ALABAMA pretends to be interested.









MONTAGE



1. ALABAMA is seated on the picnic table, half listening to CATHY’s chatter.
2. ALABAMA and CATHY are walking to class. ALABAMA is beginning to look uninterested, and only is reacting with non-committal reactions
3. ALABAMA and CATHY are seated in class. ALABAMA has completely forgotten about CATHY who is still talking. CATHY then begins to try and get ALABAMA’s attention again.

CUT TO:

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

ANGLE ON – EMILY AND ALABAMA

Both girls are looking straight ahead, before turning to look at each other with an “oh my god we’re so stupid” look.


CUT TO:





INT. LUNCHROOM – DAY

TOM and ALABAMA are in the lunch line. As TOM turns around with his PLATE OF WAFFLES, ALABAMA grabs TOM’s arm harshly.

ALABAMA
Don’t fight about waffles.

TOM
(long sigh)
Okay.

CUT TO:

EXT. COURTYARD – DAY

CATHY is seated at the same picnic table ALABAMA had been in the morning. We see her talking to people who are paying absolutely NO attention to her. EMILY walks over to CATHY.

EMILY
Shut up!

CATHY stares at EMILY, stopping in mid sentence before she shuts her mouth.


INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

EMILY and ALABAMA sit side-by-side, exaggeratedly happy while the rest of the class sits around them, pissed off. TOM is spinning a fork between his fingers like a baton, and CATHY has her hand over her mouth, as if afraid to speak.